Reader Comments

IGR Plus

by Alisa Princy (2020-04-09)

Whether it's an attachment IGR Plus Review or add-on (they'll never use) for a new digital camera, or a continued relationship with an individual with whom they have nothing in common, or staying connected to a Yahoo or other online group to which they haven't contributed in years, or an event to which they have season tickets and never attend, there's a story that keeps them feeling attached, belonging, not allowing themselves to disconnect or detach. Loss feels overwhelming to these folks. Their story soothes, and excuses, their feeling of loss. Exhausted and overwhelmed by daily decisions about where to go out to eat every night, who to socialize with, exhausted by the myriad activities that are depleting one's own and one's child's physical and emotional energy, for example, folks cannot or will not choose to step back and see the self-destructive results that come from their obsessive need to "keep on keeping on", from "keeping all the doors open." So, what is this attachment folks have to keeping all the doors open? What's really, really underneath needing to have every option a possibility? For many, when options go away, when doors close, they experience a certain sense of loss, of "missing out." This experience is deep, visceral (they feel it in their gut), and frightening. So, in order to feel they "belong", to feel connected, to feel they are not missing out on life, and to maintain a much-needed sense of security and control, they make up stories about why they need to "keep all my options open", and refuse to let go. For many folks, their attachment to unlimited options, to unlimited choices, unlimited activities - even when they are overwhelmed and exhausted by the limitlessness of it all - they are driven by the fear of what might happen if they eliminate just one option or close just one door. For them, this fear is infinitely greater than the distress, anxiety, overwhelm and exhaustion they experience from keeping all the doors open. Emotionally and psychologically, many folks would prefer to die slowly from their stressors than face the emotional loss of opting out or closing a door. It's the devil they know vs. the devil they don't. Fear of the unknown is too painful.